I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize