We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
