I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
