I feel great
I just peed on a car
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
