I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
