I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How external is "for external use only"?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
