Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
