bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
