The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
