Everything about him screamed your future.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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