Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
