DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize