you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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