Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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