Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
