We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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