we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
