You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
