You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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