Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
