you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize