I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
