why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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