they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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