He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize