There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
