please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
