Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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