you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
