Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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