Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize