I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
