something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
