We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
