Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
