so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
