and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
