If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
