I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
