at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
