He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
