ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize