Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
