we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize