i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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