You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
