Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
