Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize