Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
