cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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