We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
