so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize