I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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