your parents love me but you hate me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
