Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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