I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
