a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
