Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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