All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The adults are the big ones right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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