Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Floor bacon is actually really good
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
