just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
