Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize