coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
