I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I still have a little drunk in my system
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
