Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
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