mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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