So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
