Got a toothbrush?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
