i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
