I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
