I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
