i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
