I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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