Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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