Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
