repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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