Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
