Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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