But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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