lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
