I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
