Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
