so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
