gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
