when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
