Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
