I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
