I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
