If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
