how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
